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Unrestrainable Trainable/Transcript
(The episode begins at the Drawn Together house at morning while a goose crows twice.) Wooldoor (voice over): From the moment I woke up, I knew today was gonna be rotten. Wooldoor: *sniffs* Wooldoor (voice over): I had a stuffy nose, but I got up anyway, got dressed and headed downstairs. And then Spanky broke off the propeller from my beanie! Spanky: What a dork! Wooldoor (voice over): And Ling Ling hit me with a Chinese star! Wooldoor: *groans in pain* Wooldoor (voice over): And just my luck, the chore wheel once again put me in charge of the bags of money. *chaching* Wooldoor (voice over): '''Plus, I missed my daily sideburn-trimming appointment! '''Clara: *opens back door and screams, thinking Wooldoor is a Jew* A Jew in our backyard! I can't believe my Jew Crow didn't work! (Scene briefly cuts to Clara's Jew Crow holding a sign that says "TIPS, PLEASE", then back to Clara who gets angry at Wooldoor and points her finger at him) Clara: You're getting baptized right now! *pushes Wooldoor into the pool* Wooldoor: *screams* HELP! CLARA, I CAN'T SWIM! Clara: Don't worry! You're a Christian now. Jesus will be your life preserver! Jesus: Ha ha! Look at that heeperdenninner drown! Ha ha! Those Jews kill me. *intro sequence* (Scene flashes to Toot eating some donuts and reading a newspaper with Xandir & Hero behind her) Xandir: *giggles* Hey, Hero, I made up a fun new game: how long does it take pain to travel through Toot's fat layers? *walks toward Toot and sticks his sword in her back; Toot doesn't feel pain at first* Xandir & Hero: *both giggle* Toot: *notices the two* Morning, assholes! Did you read the paper? It says a giant retard is destroying the city! *shows Hero the paper* Hero: What? "Massive mental midget mauls Metropolis"?! This sounds like a job for *rips his pajama shirt off and reveals his super suit* Captain Hero! Up, up, '''*stops mid-launch* '''and away! Oh, wait. I need my magic pixie dust! *zooms off-screen, snorts cocaine, then comes back crazy* Whuh! I'm Captain Fuptain Hero and I can't feel my fuckin' face! *zooms outside through the window* Toot: So, Xandir, do you have any plans for-- *finally feels pain from Xandir's sword and screams in pain* SOMEONE STABBED ME IN MY BACK! Xandir: *hits a button on a stopwatch* 34 seconds! Toot: Sweet! *blood dripping out of her mouth* That's my best time yet. *high-fives Xandir* (Scene cuts to Foxxy taking Wooldoor to safety.) Foxxy (voice over): Wooldoor almost drowned... (Scene flashes to the talking booth, where Foxxy's bra is wet and her skin and nipples can be seen through them.) Foxxy: ...but as usual, the Foxxy have saved the day! (Scene flashes back to the backyard where Foxxy attempts to resuscitate Wooldoor) Foxxy: *grunts twice while trying CPR on Wooldoor, then blows in his mouth* Wooldoor: *spits out Foxxy's golden braces onto the floor, which she picks up* Foxxy: Capital! Thank goodness I'm certified in cardiopulmonary resuscitation. *puts her golden braces on* Mouth-to-mouth, y'all! Wooldoor: *chatters his teeth from being cold* Foxxy: *picks up Wooldoor* Oh, lordy, Wooldoor got the hypothermia! And Clara, *drops Wooldoor on Clara's lap* you go take care of him. Clara: *gasps* Oh! (Scene flashes to the talking booth.) Clara: Taking orders from a black girl? Ugh! Who does she think I am? Thomas Jefferson's penis? (Scene flashes to Hero flying high above the city in search of the giant.) Hero (voice over): Everywhere I looked, I saw evidence of this "special" giant. The entire city was flooded with drool! The museum of shiny objects was in ruins! The giant replicas of Daddy's Important Papers had been drawn on! Even the reservoir of yummy banana pudding was completely empty! Bill Cosby: *wipes a tear from his eye* You see, man, without the pudding, I'm just another unemployed sexual predator! Hero (voice over): But the giant himself was...nowhere to be found. Hero: *takes a corpse out of a wrecked car* Where has this giant sped? *waits for a response* Oh, so you don't wanna talk, eh? Maybe a little neck-snapping will jog your memory! *snaps the corpse's neck* Oh, maybe a little spooning will jog your memory! *hugs the corpse, then hears animal sounds in the distance and drops the corpse* Oh, dear god! Not the petting zoo! (Scene whooshes to the petting zoo, where the giant is wreaking havoc) Giant: Oh, look! *picks up a horse* Puppies! (Scene flashes to Wooldoor's room, where Clara is reading to a still-cold Wooldoor.) Clara (voice over): I spent hours taking care of that meaty little bastard. (Scene flashes to the talking booth.) Clara: If I wanted to hear a yellow guy whine, I'd go see Margaret Joe! (Scene flashes back to Wooldoor's room.) Wooldoor: Uh, could I have another blanket, please? Clara: Ugh. You want it now? But I was in the middle of a really funny part of my joke book! *drops the book on Wooldoor's lap, revealing it to be [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schindler%27s_Ark Schindler's List], and giggles as she leaves to get a blanket from her room* Category:Transcripts Category:Unfinished Transcripts